This is just me thinking …..

If everything ends, why is love an exception? How important is love in a relationship? What are the key ingredients that will make a relationship successful? Why do we even need to be in relationships?

Relationships

There’s a social/psychological part of man/woman that demands to be satisfied. Also, we are usually at our best or happiest when we have someone to share life’s experiences with. So its established, relationships are important.

I may not be able to fully address what love has to do with relationships because love is a manifestation that occurs in a simple but yet mystifying way, and trying to dissect and explain it takes away the sweetness that it brings. If/when it happens, you are meant to just enjoy it.

To what degree should a relationship between a man and woman be taken to? Marriage? Why get married? Many benefits: if you want to have kids, they would/could be brought up in a stable environment (not always guaranteed but more likely to happen); stability in one’s own life (if you are disciplined enough you won’t have to run from point A to B looking for what you already have). But key thing is to do it right, or get it right so that you get great value from it. Take the time needed and be wise in going about it. Don’t ever do anything out of pressure. You don’t want to look back with regret. You don’t even want to look back at all. But be filled with an anticipation of sweet things to come.

You don’t want to have to stay in a relationship just because you have made a commitment to it. You want to stay in a relationship because you derive happiness from spending your time in it. You may not always be happy whilst in it, but you know that it has the right ingredients to make you happy, so you stay in it.

Companionship is key. If you both don’t relate as friends, you’ll not get the best possible from the relationship. Friendship is key in all types of relationships, father son, mother daughter, husband wife, coach athlete, etc It’s like water for plant growth. Without the continuous presence of moisture, the plant will die. Seek true friendship. Someone you can truly be free with. If you are not being true to you and to your partner, you’ll be doing yourself more harm than good.

Don’t start something you can’t finish. If your instincts raise red flags, make sure you clear the flags before you proceed. It may require discussing with the other person or getting perspectives from others and forging out a solution from those perspectives. If you don’t have a solution, it may not be wise to move ahead.

Love

I’ll make an attempt at expressing what I think love is/is about, and how germane I think it is to a relationship.The dictionary defines love as an intense feeling of deep affection. Also, It’s been said that love is both a noun and a verb. In other words, there’s a part to it that borders around ‘having’ a feeling, and the other side to it involves expression.

One thing I know for sure is that occasions of ‘love expression’ are catalysts that create and enhance vibrations of happiness, which both parties in a relationship would benefit from. Such expressions are therefore, in my opinion, important for success in a relationship. It’s a verb, an action word; it involves making the other person happy, as much of the time as you can. It’s a ‘doing’ word.

This actually also means that even when you don’t feel like it, it would be wise to choose to make the other person happy; and that’s where the noun part of love comes in – the having that feeling part. Because, without that feeling, it’s almost humanly impossible to make someone happy when you don’t feel like it (except you have that grace that the Pope, priests, nuns and some pastors seem to have).

Relationships and Love

Now, we know that the feeling is somewhat fleeting. It’s there sometimes, it’s not there at other times. Relationships are usually started when two people develop some type of intense feeling (at varying degrees) towards each other. One shouldn’t therefore say that because the feeling or it’s intensity wouldn’t stay constant, we shouldn’t initiate relationships based on love or how we feel. And on the other hand, one should also know that it’s not only love that keeps a relationship going. It’ll always be up to each person to decide on what he/she wants to do, but starting a relationship only because you love the person may not be the greatest thing you would ever do.

If everything does end, maybe love is not an exception (or is it?). Maybe we need to make relationship decisions based on value propositions. Ask: What way can I add value to the other person (or to the relationship)? What value are you bringing to the relationship? or if you are already in one (father son for example), ask yourself what value or benefit can I bring/add to this relationship? How would I derive value from it? Doing this may sound a bit technical, afterall relationships should flow, but the Engineer in me makes me logical (or illogical) sometimes. I’ll just say that whatever it is you choose to do, go in with the right mindset. It’s like taking a dive in a pool; if you have not learnt how to swim, don’t dive in.

Go about relationships with the mindset that you are creating something, a living thing, and that this living thing would require certain ingredients for it to succeed, for it to grow. Identify what these ingredients are. Determine if you both have the required ingredients. If you do, by all means, go ahead. If you don’t, do not take the dive.

This is just me thinking ……