The title of this piece should have been “What do women want?” because I’m still trying to figure out what it is exactly that women really want. I tried to get different opinions on possible answers to this question but I only became more unsure of anything I knew before. It seems many people don’t know what women want (maybe even some women too); they say a woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s because she changes it more often. Kinda seems no one really knows what women want, or maybe I was just speaking to the wrong people.

For a while now, I have been in different positions that required me to not only know what women want, but to also be able to give that thing they desire. My experiences showed me so many things, one of which is that sometimes, it is more important to know what women want to hear versus knowing what they actually want. The problem with only knowing what they want to hear is that women want to hear different things at different times, and so relying only on an ability to know what you think they want to hear won’t get you anywhere (with them). Knowing what women want to hear can only help you short term; I’ve learnt that being able to attend to a woman long term requires that you know what she wants, and at the exact time that she wants it. Let’s just say I haven’t been successful in actually giving a woman what she wants.

Why write about women? We actually really can’t do without women. I’ll speak for myself. I am at my very best when I have the opportunity to attend to a woman and so this topic is very important to me; and as well it should be to you too. I have always been fascinated by women. Some may say I have a natural disposition to women (that I like women too much), but I’ll just say that I have been gravely misunderstood in the past; and I still get misunderstood. So let’s leave it as a fascination. Women are beautiful, and I mean that in a superficial and not so superficial way. When I have a little time on my hands, I sometimes wonder what’s more beautiful than a beautiful woman? Without trying to objectify women, I derive some type healthy pleasure in any opportunity to appreciate the presence and expression of a woman. Women are markedly different from men. Besides a woman’s physical outward appearance (which men naturally enjoy observing … no I won’t speak for myself this time), I think that women see the world in ways different from the way men do. It is sometimes amusing to recollect my experiences with women. The things they desire; why they desire them; how they respond to compliments; why they need to be complimented; why emotions are a great part of their psychological make up. I like the physical expression of the creation that is woman. Okay, yes, I like woman (singular noun not an error).

There was a time I used to be obtuse and simple-minded when it came to women (I’m actually still a bit obtuse in that regard) and this state has cost me quite a lot. I used to assume that women were just like men, psychologically. That they related with the world in the same way that men do. I wasn’t aware of their innate natural needs and sensibilities. And so i’d relate with a female the way I would with male friends. Then, I didn’t understand why a woman would ask to be pampered! (not like I actually know now, but I know that it has to be done). I lived with this misunderstanding for a while until I came across literature that showed me otherwise. Afterwards, I started asking the right questions and realized how insensitive I had been in times past. I have learnt a lot since then, but just like anything else, you don’t really learn until you ‘do’, so let’s just say I’m still learning.

They say women are meant to be loved and not understood. But when I consider the power they have over men, I wonder if it is enough to stop at just loving them. Because I like to be successful in all things, I set myself to task to find out what it is that women want, all the time; or better put, what it is that women need. Because to be successful in a relationship, you’ve got to give, and if you don’t know what to give, there’s no way you can be successful at it.

The situation of being without another is sometimes satisfying, but only temporarily. They say no woman, no cry, but I tell you, from personal experience, no woman, no joy either. It’s a natural thing for a man and woman to come together and it’s quite important to understand the needs of each other in order to make the relationship successful. I’ll say something about relationships here, and I have said it before elsewhere, you need to understand yourself, know who you are, so that you can apply yourself effectively in any relationship. You’ve got to know if you have what it takes to build and sustain a relationship before you go into it. And you have to be ready also. When two people come together from different backgrounds, there’s bound to be friction. Men have a physiological and psychological make up different from women and so it’s normal to expect that a greater level of effort has to be applied to exist amicably in a relationship.

I read somewhere that there are three things you should never do to a woman: never act in anger towards her; never act in/with jealousy towards her; and never compel a woman to act/behave in a particular way because it suits you. Women are quite sensitive and they must be attended to with that mindset. It may sound redundant to say this but women really must be treated right; at all times. Else you’d lose them. Going against any of the three rules mentioned earlier only serves to reduce the essence of whatever feeling or sentiment a woman has for you, and with time, it could/would disappear. I know this because I have experienced it. If I had more time on my hands and I was to think more deeply about women, I might say that they are some kind of angel. Isn’t it interesting that life is formed inside of them? That they carry life within them for 9 months? I wonder why that is so. Why must they carry life? Why must they be the ones to carry life? I don’t know, but I suspect there’s something special about them. Life in itself is a mystery, and they are the vessels through which this mystery becomes physically manifest. Yes, man participates in the creation of this mystery, if only for a few minutes (or seconds?), but a woman is the master of ceremony at this event.

A relationship with women is inevitable, and so you have to be prepared for the dynamics of such a relationship. If you are not prepared, you can’t make a success of it. Engaging in a social relationship with a woman should be with purpose, else as a man, you’ll end up doing things inordinately and end up hurting everyone in the process and wasting your own time, and even hers.

What is more beautiful than a beautiful woman? Maybe two beautiful women? I don’t know … but what I know is that without women (or a woman), life would be dull, gray, without color, lack luster. Yesterday won’t be different from today; tomorrow would not be desirable. I know this from experience. And I also know that one beautiful woman makes a great difference to life. Women really “are for men”, and vice vaza. A woman has the power to make you do things that you wouldn’t ordinarily do; they can make you act like a baby; make you change your religion, and even make you change your name. Some men are at their best when they have a woman to please, and others, when they have a woman to squeeze. If you have the opportunity to attend to a woman, make sure you have what it takes to make her happy, and don’t go making promises that you can’t keep. Make sure you have an appreciation of why men and women should come together, of why men and women ‘are’; of why they were created: for companionship, social engagement, procreation, and a furtherance of society.

But it’s not all fun and games. Women elicit desires in men that stir up passion and emotions which have a tendency to influence logical reasoning. And so in as much as you ‘should’ fall in love, you should get up right after falling and apply yourself with reason and purpose. But still allow yourself to fall once in a while. However, don’t stay down. Love won’t put food on the table. Love won’t ward off trespassers. Love won’t keep you and your family safe.

Back to my question; what do women want? I don’t know; and I suspect that they don’t either. But there are a few suggestions that can be applied which may not answer the question but would bring about a semblance of satisfaction, long term. It sometimes requires patience to be able to give a woman what she wants/needs. They say a man who is patient has everything in the world, and to be able to effectively apply these suggestions you need to be patient. I never used to have much of that, but I must be quite wealthy, because I have been able to pay the price to acquire it.

So what have I discovered? There are three major things that a woman wants/needs: care, commitment, and consistency. As men, we are often quick to make promises when situations are favorable. Consistency requires that you always stay true to what you said you would do even after the mood you said it in has left you. This is not the easiest thing to do; we are quick to overlook flaws and imperfections just when it suits us to get what we want. But soon after we have what we want, we start asking ourselves questions if we shouldn’t be having more. But if one is wise, one would know that you cannot do better by getting another; you can only do better when you get better at what you do. Be reliable.

Commitment is similar to consistency, but it is the basis of what you have chosen to stay consistent to. It requires understanding the dynamics of a man-woman relationship, and knowing how to apply yourself in such relationship i.e. the actions required that bring mutual happiness and progress, and choosing to give yourself to the fulfillment of these things. If you are in love, you can declare your commitment verbally, and that’s good. But don’t forget that empty barrels make the most noise. Sometimes you should let your actions speak for you. Commitment is an attitude borne out of a mature understanding forged on the premise of loyalty. Be loyal.

Care is just as important as commitment and consistency, and some women may tell you that it is even more important (they want to be pampered!). Care is more tangible as it requires physical expression. It entails providing for physical needs (within reason?), protection and attention. Women need to know, believe, and feel that you always have their best interest at heart. “No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.” – Elizabeth Peters. Women also sometimes need to experience this disposition towards them. Ever wonder why a woman would not appreciate money as a gift, but would rather a nice bag, along with the money? Be generous.

Without saying too much about my experiences with women, I have learnt a lot of lessons and I’ve come to realize that a great part of a man’s success lies in understanding how best to relate with women. I learnt how not to treat a woman; knew the things that could make her weary; but all that didn’t help me because I was no different from the man who did these things. It’s not enough to know what you shouldn’t do; you also have to know what you should do. A woman plays a great role in the natural world as we see it, and in the establishment and furtherance of society. Treat a man right, and he’ll be thankful to you; treat a woman right, and you’ll be thankful for her, forever.

A man does not control his own fate; the women in his life do that for him – Groucho Marx.